Feminism Relationships

The Hazards of Generosity and Sexualization

February 10, 2012 – 8:42 pm

The other morning I was at a Starbucks waiting for my overpriced little bit of delicious to be prepared. Because I am a creeper by nature, I listened to the two female baristas discuss a tip from a few customers before me. The girl at the register was very concerned that a regular male customer has left her a $6 tip. She asked her co-worker if this was normal, or if his motives were less than savory.

This incident has been stuck with me for several days. How sad is it that as women, we have to question the intentions and the potential danger of every male interaction. But is it justified? Are  they really no nice guys?

I have worked in customer service for a long time and did a brief stint as a bartender. I’ve had my fair share of men who seem just a little too generous to be true. But is it simply someone the case of a more established person trying to help a young person out? Or was that $10 tip for one drink a down payment on future services rendered?

When I was 16 and bagging at a grocery store, the late shift was hazardous for me. Drunk college guys on a beer run frequently tried to entice me to joining them later with the promises of tips for carrying their 24 pack to the car (I never did) and “more where that came from.” When I was 19 and behind the bar, my experiences became more diverse. My regular customers would occasionally leave me a bigger tip than usual or even a present (I got a few books, a DVD, and scratch cards that summer) because they liked that I made strong drinks, didn’t take shit, and seemed to remind a lot of them of nieces or grand daughters. But there were also the men who would leave me a 5 dollar bill and then ask for my number.

When women tipped me I never gave it a second thought. It was only with men that I ever became wary. Were my reservations justified?

What are your thoughts? Is there such thing as a nice guy, or is it all just a precursor to trying to get some?

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Feminism Humor Politics Sex Uncategorized

Where the Right Gets it Wrong

February 3, 2012 – 9:10 pm

The struggle for reproductive control has become a case of he said she said so large that Regina George herself could not have done a better job. With all of the tasteless, judgmental comments flying between political pundits and presidential hopefuls, let’s take a closer look at some of the most frequently debated, and often ironic or just plain wrong, controversies surrounding women’s right to healthcare.

Roe v. Wade
The most frequently attacked and conversely applauded (depending on which side of the aisle you’re on) Supreme Court decision in the struggle for abortion rights. Conservatives seek to overthrow and liberals long to enforce it. However, this ruling is extremely misunderstood. People often mistake it for supporting the right to abortion when really it’s goal was to insure the right to privacy in making reproductive choices.

Ironically, while most right winged zealots throw a fit at anything that can be viewed as government intrusion, women, especially pregnant women, should be ready to throw their feet up in the stirrups at any time so that their sexy bits can be examined, prodded, and inseminated at any time.

Private Insurance
Almost every Republican will tell you that we should have a truly free market with little to no government regulation. But boy do they shit their panties when it comes to allowing private insurances to cover reproductive services. Somehow, while arguing that over regulation led to the recession, they want to dictate what a private company can do. There are several conservative groups lobbying to make it illegal for private insurers to cover abortion.

But what about all that free market talk?

Honey, the market is only free if you have a dick.

Planned Parenthood
The first thing that comes out of any “pro life” supporter’s mouth when Planned Parenthood is mentioned is that they provide the most abortions out of any other institution. Well shit, Sherlock, good job. With the U.S.’s nasty habit of stalking, tormenting, and shooting abortion providers, there are few other options. While it’s true that Planned Parenthood does provide abortions, they also provide:

Well woman exams
STI treatment and testing for men and women
Pap smears
Contraception
Emergency contraception
Vasectomies
Pregnancy tests
Prenatal care
Adoption referrals

Those damned baby killers. Oh, wait…

It’s sad to see something as basic and necessary as women’s health be manipulated and discredited for political pandering and control of others.

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What I Learned From Being Sexually Assaulted

January 15, 2012 – 3:08 pm

I am one of those tragic female statistics in America; not only I have experienced sexual assault and harassment, I have experienced it multiple times throughout my life staring with molestation by the neighbor’s son around 4, being physically and sexually assaulted every summer from about the age of 7 to 13 by my dad’s ex-girlfriend’s son, and to being backed into a dark corner and groped by 4 men at a college party.

In my own way, I have learned to deal with and accept these events in my life, and have gleaned a little insight into handling aggressive men.

Call It Like It Is
When I was young, my family dealt with my twin and mine’s molestation by simply not addressing it. When asked why we had to see a child therapist (a great, proactive move on their part), we were told it was because the neighbor’s son had been “mean” to us. It wasn’t until late adolescence when my sister and I had gleaned any knowledge and were able to use the correct term.

This lesson has carried over with me, and I don’t use words to hide the truth. If a man says unwanted sexually explicit or suggestive things to me, he is not trying to be flirty, he is being disgusting and harassing. Using euphemisms to make up for violations of one’s person in any way is a habit that needs to end for women.

Control Your Reaction
In situations with aggressive men, your body reacts with an accelerated heart rate, increased and rapid breathing, shaky stomach, and tense muscles. While this could describe the physical manifestation of fear, it also fits the experience of anger. It takes practice, but when you become aware of these feelings, you can decide how you want to interpret them and use them to your best advantage.

Use Your Words LOUDLY
Men who pray on women expect them to submit quietly to their advances. In many of my experiences as an adult with drunk pricks, I have learned that asking “Please stop touching me” doesn’t do squat. Loudly saying, “Knock it the fuck off” has been more effective. He is harassing me, there’s no need to be polite about it. Most aggressors are surprised enough to back off.

Report It
When guys try to mess with me or my friends at bars, not only will I tell them go away, I’ll let a bouncer know. Most clubs and bars don’t want the reputation of girls getting raped and roofied on the floor, and they’ll respond quickly and throw the offender out. When I was attacked at the aforementioned house party, I told the host, who made sure that those men were not invited back again. And of course, their is always the authorities to report to as well.

Don’t Expect an Apology, But Demand One Anyways
Not to defend anyone who assaults another person in any form, but some guys literally don’t’ know better. Pointing out to them that it was wrong can be an enlightening experience. Sometimes they’ll even man up enough to apologize.

A lot of shit has gone down in my life, and this is the way I have learned to handle it. While this is by no means a solution for everyone, it’s important to know that fear and silence are not your only options in dealing with a traumatic experience. Talk to friends, talk to a professional, but don’t shame or blame yourself in anyway. The only people who should feel accountable for sexual assault and harassment are those who perpetrate it on others.

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Dating Red Flags That Are Easy To Miss

January 12, 2012 – 9:00 pm

I have not had many major relationships. You know why? Because I am a fucking master at dodging dating bullets. While we’ve been trained that it’s mean to break it off with someone before they’ve “really had a chance,” sometimes you really have to be an adult and stop being afraid to admit that being alone is better than investing a lot of time into a person who will never work out.

Early warning signs include:

-You only hang out with him when he’s drunk because he’s dead boring sober.
-He does things in public you find embarrassing. And won’t stop.
-He disagrees with you about your views on politics, morals, etc.
-Sometimes, you can’t tell if he’s gay or straight.
-After the first time you kiss, you want to go dry heave.
-He pops awkward boners. A lot.
-You use a nickname you made up for him instead of his real name.
-You only agree to more dates because your blog needs materials
-You can’t stop texting people while you’re out on a date.
-You find yourself tweeting the stupid shit he says.
-Your first date ends up with you alone in a strange person’s house because he really, really wanted to smoke weed until sunrise.
-He says all the right things to you, and all the wrong things to your friends behind your back.
-You remember him being so much more exciting when you were shit faced and puking in the garbage can you eventually fell asleep in.
-You go on another date with someone else immediately after you see him.
-He takes off his shirt in a bar to show you his “really cool!” tribal back tattoo.
- You get annoyed with his texts, Facebook comments, and messages.
-The highlight of your date was the free meal.
-He plays you selections from his favorite bands or his own music, and you hate every single minute of it, even if he really is “artistic.”

This has been pretty lady centric. Fellas, any input?

What are the warning signs you look at for?

 

 

 

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Reasons to Never Give Anyone Plan B Ever

January 11, 2012 – 7:21 pm

Pharmacists are still allowed to forgo doing their job of giving people their needed medication based on their religious or moral beliefs. After some thought, I compiled all of the reasons that pharmacists should never ever ever hand out Plan B to anyone.

Men
-Men can’t have babies, obviously.
-It’s harder to judge them.
-Men who buy Plan B are clearly courteous rapists.
-Men who buy Plan B have under aged sex slaves that they’re trying to keep on the down low.
-The only men who mess around with that baby stuff are gays, and we shouldn’t give them anything anyways.
-If you give them Plan B, they won’t use condoms.

Women over the age of 17
-She’s joined a sex cult and needs to keep it secret.
-She should try jumping backwards east 3x before sunrise first.
-Women love babies! All women want to have them.
-If a woman is given Plan B, she won’t need to report a rapist.
-If you jump up and down really fast, you can shake all that icky semen right out.
-To pick it up, she’ll have to leave the kitchen and put on shoes.
-She’s old enough to get married in most states, so there’s no need for contraception if she just ties the knot and settles down, am I right?
-Women don’t like sex, so why would that have it?

Women under the age of 17
-Everyone knows that Plan B gets rid of babies, and women under 17 are technically still children, so they’d ERASE themselves.
-You have to take two pills 12 hours apart. That sounds an awful lot like math, and girls can’t handle that shit.
-They’ll be so young and short that pharmacists won’t be able to see them below the counter.
-If a girl has money to buy Plan B, she stole it, and criminal activities shouldn’t be rewarded.
-If she has a baby now, she can get all her fuck ups out of the way and be a good mom to her other children.
-Instead of having sex, she should learn to bake her high school sweetie cookies.
-Taking Plan B will make kids think that drugs are cool.
-Peer pressure was made up by the liberal media.

You see? These bible thumping lunatics really do have your best interests at heart.

What other reasons should Plan B never be handed out?

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The New Year’s Resolutions of a Feminist

January 1, 2012 – 11:14 pm

It’s a new year and with it comes new goals and achievements to pursue. Why not make it a year to go after your passions and try to make the world a little better?

Donations
Every month, I am going to try to donate to a non-profit or charitable organization. Last month was Emily’s List, this month will be Women for Women International.

Petitions
Once a week, I will sign a petition for a cause I believe in and want to support or see changed.

Participate
Once every three months, I will try to participate in a rally, protest, or event for social change and justice.

Volunteer
At least once a year, I will volunteer my time and energy to my community.

Words to Remember

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.”
-Mary Anne Radmacher

“Each person’s task in life is to become an increasingly better person.”
-Leo Tolstoy

“Someone was hurt before you, wronged before you, hungry before you, frightened before you, beaten before you, humiliated before you, raped before you… yet, someone survived… You can do anything you choose to do.”
–Maya Angelou

“Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresea, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.”
–Life’s Little Instruction Book

What are your resolutions?

 

 

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Feminism Politics Uncategorized

Sheriff Joe is Racist? Who Would Have Guessed?!

January 1, 2012 – 10:50 pm

An investigation by the Department of Justice has revealed that the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Department is blatantly racist.

Is your mind blown?

Of course not.

The only real shocker here is that it took people so damned long to figure it out. After a three-year investigation, the D.o.J. was able to determine that Sheriff Joe and his boys routinely violate both the Constitution and the Civil Rights Act as well as being just generally racist, bigoted, and assholes towards the Latino community.

I think anyone in the state of Arizona could have told the Department of Justice that.

The invesitgation found that:
-Latinos are 4-9 times more likely to be pulled over (usually without probable or LEGAL cause)
-Latino inmates with limited English were often punished for not responding to commands given in English
-Inmates with limited English were given forms to sign, IN ENGLISH, that waived their constitutional rights
-Officers were often found to use excessive force against Latino individuals
-Sheriff Joe and his officers often chose to pursue cases that incriminated Latinos over bothering to investigate reports of rape or sexual assault

And of course, there’s the kicker:
-Personnel who complained about these policies were often fired or punished.

Sheriff Joe has said that his department will cooperate with the Department of Justice on eliminating these policies, but because he’s a crazy Republican cowboy, he has still managed to find a way to blame the investigation on someone else. In this case, the Obama administration was targeting him, obviously.

Ah Sheriff, you are truly bat shit crazy. But I’m hopeful that even you can understand that it’s not “targeting” when you’re breaking the law.

Oh wait…

Clearly he doesn’t.

Here’s to hoping that the new year brings the demise of Sheriff Joe’s career and replacement by a slightly less bat shit cow boy (this IS Arizona, after all).

What are your thoughts on Sheriff Joe?

Related Links:

http://www.npr.org/2011/12/15/143765355/probe-finds-arizona-sheriff-violated-civil-rights

www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2011/12/15/143776718/sheriff-arpaio-violates-latinos-rights-justice-department-says

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Dear Dudes, This is a Tampon. DEAL WITH IT.

December 30, 2011 – 12:22 am

Dear Male Colleague,

As you may have noticed, I am a woman. And with this comes certain unavoidable truths:

Periodically, I bleed out of my vag.

I know the thought of any women menstruating (for God’s sake you stick your dick in that!) is disturbing, but it’s time to grow up. I am no longer going to hide tampons from you to spare your delicate sensitivities.

If the sight of me pulling a product with motivational sayings scrawled across its packaging–thanks for the advice, Playtex!–out of my purse makes you uncomfortable, imagine how it makes me feel.

For starters, I am bleeding, and possibly profusely depending on the day.

Secondly, I am experiencing cramps, bloating, fatigue, headache, and the overwhelming urge to scream at rude customer service workers.

Thirdly, I am constantly distracted.  If I get too involved in my assignment, I run the risk of having my underwear look like an animal was slaughtered in its lacy confines.

I am no longer going to waste time and energy trying to discretely sneak past you like I have some kind of dirty secret. I will not dedicate another second to trying to figure out how to tuck a tampon into my pocket, up my sleeve, or in my bra without you noticing so that I can go to the restroom without you feeling awkward.

If you see this fearsome artifact, please, do not cringe, look away quickly, or make a face.

Because I might smack you with it.

Always yours,
The Hating Expert

 

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Feminism Sex Uncategorized

A Quick Guide to Safer Sex: Condoms

December 29, 2011 – 7:48 am

To paraphrase the indelible Dr. Ruth, there is no such thing as safe sex, only safer sex. And one of the easiest ways to engage in safer sex is the use of barrier methods, or more commonly, condoms. Condoms work to prevent seminal fluids from entering the vagina, which protects any eggs which might be hanging around from becoming fertilized.

There are a few misconceptions surrounding condoms; the number one being that condoms decrease the amount of sensation that a man feels. I can’t say if this is really true, as I don’t have a penis, but from the men I’ve talked to about it they either don’t notice or it’s not a big enough difference to really matter. However, if you are afraid that your dick will somehow go magically numb by putting a thin layer of material over it, look at this way: if sensitivity decreases, you’ll last longer. EVERYBODY WINS.

Also, buying a condom or having condoms ready to go does not make you a whore. It makes you someone who is exploring and engaging their sexuality in a healthy, responsible way.

Male Condoms

There are three types of male condoms: latex, polyurethane, and natural membrane. Latex and polyurethane (an alternative for latex for those who either have an allergy or simply don’t like latex) condoms completely protect against seminal transmission of STDs. Natural membrane condoms (usually made with sheep/lamb skin) interfere less with sensitivity but have pores which allow for smaller microorganisms (such as viruses) to pass from partner-to-partner.

Circumcised and uncircumcised men have to put on condoms differently. An intact man needs to be sure to role his foreskin back before applying the condom. Also, if the condom lacks a reservoir feature, a man needs to be sure to pinch and twist the tip of the condom while putting it on to create a space for the semen to go after ejaculation.

The use of lubrication decreases the chances of the condom tearing during sexy time. Remember though, never use an oil based lubricant with a latex condom: the oil will erode the latex. Instead, use a water based lubricant.

The World Heath Organization also recommends that the same condom not be used in excess of twenty minutes, as the chance of it breaking goes up. If you and your partner are going for a marathon session, be sure to have some other condoms at hand to replace them as needed.

Note: Condoms should be worn during the entirety of penetration, and not be put on just before ejaculation. Seminal fluids include more than just semen and is released periodically during stimulation. While the presence of sperm is still debated, the presence of STIs in these fluids is not.

Female Condoms

A female condom is exactly what it sounds like: a condom for the ladies. Instead of going externally on the penis, the female condom is placed internally in a woman’s vaginal canal with the use of an applicator. It can also work to prevent STDs and pregnancy through seminal contact. The only complaint I’ve ever heard regarding the use of a female condom is its tendency to make a squelching noise while bumping uglies. However, this can be remedied by engaging in dirty talk over the noise, ignoring it, turning on the T.V., or playing music.

Spermicide

Some condoms come with spermicide already included while others don’t. Spermicide can be purchased separately and it’s really up to you and your partner whether or not you want to use it. Remember to do a skin test with spermicide first to check for allergies. Apply a small amount to your wrist and wait a few minutes, if it begins to blister, welt, or burn DO NOT use it.

There are rumors that lemon juice works just as well as store bought spermicide, but none of this has any sound statistical findings to support it. It’s probably not a good idea to use lemon juice on a sensitive membrane, either way.

There really is no excuse to not use condoms when engaging in sexual activity. Even if you live a rural area where the nearest provider is far away, or if they are kept behind a locked case and you don’t feel comfortable (or feel like the pharmacist will give them to you anyways) asking, you can order condoms online from sites like Amazon. They show up in a discreet brown box and you can usually get them at cheaper prices and/or in bulk.

Remember, you should never feel uncomfortable asking your partner to use a condom. If she/he refuses, they probably don’t respect you very much, and you shouldn’t have sex with them anyways.

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The Day I Stopped Listening to The Radio

December 28, 2011 – 10:36 am

First, let me preface this by stating that I love music, and hold a special place in my heart for really obnoxious pop music in particular (LadyGaga, I’m looking at you). But there comes a time in everyone’s lives where actions and principles must finally come together. For me this day was October 3, 2011. This is the day I gave up mainstream radio and switched exclusively to NPR.

I have always had a low tolerance for:

-the nonsensical ramblings of DJs
-mean spirited and usually cruel phone “pranks”
-celebrity stalking (the “baby bump patrol” is the epitome of invasive to me)
-incessant product plugging
-gender stereotyping
-and non stop slut shaming

that unfortunately comes with keeping up with me new music. I had previously dealt with this before by vehemently changing the station whenever a morning show personality had become too aggravating or the commercial breaks too long. The only result of this tactic was to annoy anyone in the car with me and to rub off the numbers of my pre-set buttons.

The last straw came with an unfortunate morning of being unable to escape phone pranks, listening to a male radio show host justify why it’s ok to date increasingly younger women, and the latest round of engagement and pregnancy speculation on the celebrity front. I switched to a local rock station whose morning show typically makes fun of local politicians and each other hoping for a break and a little laugh.

Boy, was I wrong.

The show’s topic of choice that day was the closing of a small museum that documented the history of domestic violence. This proceeded into the hosts going on and on about how funny domestic violence is and inviting listeners to call in with their favorite jokes about wife beating and women raping. I turned off the radio and drove the rest of the way to work in angry silence.

At work I looked up the station for NPR, and listened to it on my way home. I haven’t changed the station since.

NPR is surprisingly awesome. Morning Edition focuses on local, national, and international events ranging from wars and protests to amusing stories about unusual customs and funny animals. The broadcasts during the day are even more diverse and feature interviews with singers and songwriters, authors, actors, scientists, comedians, politicians, and entrepreneurs. The world cafe segment plays songs from different artists across the globe and showcases new releases.

While I sometimes miss the radio, I don’t regret cutting it out of my life. If I want to listen to music I’ll either hook up my iPod or listen to online radio providers such as Pandora (I know, I’m old fashioned). No longer having to listen to ignorance propel itself through the masses is worth the sacrifice to me.

When have you supported/stood up for your principles?

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