Reasons to Not Use a Condom

By | January 16, 2013

Source: via Say It With A Condom on Pinterest

So, you’ve met a special someone and you’ve decided to take the next big step and not protect yourself! Many young parents and those afflicted with chronic STIs made this same relationship leap, and none of them regret it. Your love can only get stronger from here! In fact, not using condoms is clinically proven to make relationships more awesome. Let’s take a quick look at all of the reasons barebackin’ it is awesome:

-Vaginas eat sperm. Feeding them keeps them happy.
-Candy wrappers work just as well and add an element of yum!
-Cheating is a myth made up by the liberal media.
-Herpes is the ultimate tattoo.
-Nice things are overrated. Kids are just as good!
-Russian Roulette is an awesome game anywhere, anytime.
-Are you firing blanks? There’s only one way to find out!
-You don’t keep a Ferrari under a rain tarp, am I right?
-You’ve been feeling super lucky lately.
-You really want a show on TLC.
-Every person you’ve been with has said they’re a virgin.
-Ben Roethlisberger doesn’t need condoms.
-It’s time to find out if it really does have teeth.
-Babies are like dogs that stay puppies longer!
-Antibiotic resistant gonorrhea is for guys who can’t lift like you, man.

And finally, the most important reason of all:
-You have no respect for your body, your health, and of course not your partner’s! I am totally willing to make the sacrifice of health for a few minutes of possibly increased pleasure.



1 Comment

Project Southsea on February 13, 2013 at 12:09 pm.

This made me laugh. Good work.

I hope that people are able to see through the irony and sarcasm here. Can you imagine if some poor soul actually interpreted these as genuine reasons not to use a condom?!


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